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Monday, January 8, 2018

I understand that this haircut matures me, but there is no possible way that a forty-two year old sees me as his equal. It’s obscene how many men over the age of forty approach me romantically since cutting my hair. I’ve gone from surprised to flattered to over it completely in the course of twelve months and I’m here now to present: Things You Should Consider When/Before Dating an Old Dude. Arguably should’ve been the title but this ain’t Cosmo.
How Close in Age is He to Your Father?
This is probably your greatest preventative tool. If by any chance you are considering a date with an old dude, think about him having a conversation with your father. Think of all the rich, hearty laughter and them grunting in unison trying to get out of their chairs. There’s a persistent fifty-six year old at my gym and our best conversations are always those where he mentions retirement. The reason I have any talking points about the subject is my father is retired and only two years his senior.
Also, old dudes sound like your father sometimes and talk too much and tell long stories and start giving you all this advice because they remember when that condo over there used to be a YMCA.
He is Going to Pay for Everything
For some, this is a huge plus. This can go further than dinner dates. I’m talkin’ showers of manicures, pedicures, perfume and shoes. But this isn’t your typical “bae always pays” type of thing. Old Dude ALWAYS pays. As in you NEVER pay. To the point where any attempt to do so is a blow to his ego. But in his quest to be all that you need, he’s put you in relationship debt and he’s going to expect payments. Meaning you will have to have sex with this dude at some point, sorry. Unless you don’t mind the sex, which is cool and also brings me to my next point.

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